Fear of rejection

I had a friend of mine point out that fear of rejections seems to be a very common theme of mine. She said that it hints around to the possibility that maybe I was rejected a lot and this reflects my own fears. She also says she senses a thouch of bitternes. Knowing what I wrote, when I wrote it, this doesn't surprise me.

First of all, let me share my fears. Yes, it's common to fear rejection. it's something that everyone can identify with. I would be lying if I told you I never feared it. Is it something I obsess on? No, probably not, but it still makes for good reading, wouldn't you agree? When I was much younger I used to fear rejection a lot more than I do today. I think it's me being more content with who I am that gives me all the pride and confidence I need. No matter what you do in life, you have to listen to your heart louder than other people's insults, because no matter who you are, people are always going to try to put you down. This is just the way the world operates. This doesn't really make me a bitter person to point this out, but I can certainly see how I come across that way, from time to time.

As a young man I used to read a lot about what to do to GET a woman. There were all these techniques, like knowing to kiss her when she starts playing with her hair and knowing how to work around road blocks. There were even techniques which show you how to be like a bad boy without being one. After reading enough of those books I realized something. I have something to offer. I have TONS to offer someone. I shouldn't have to sell myself. Especially not to someone who I have to trick by using techniques which work around her own mental problems. Is that being conceited? Well maybe it is, and maybe I have the right to be to some degree. I guess I'm just recognising my own self worth. Is that bad? I mean think about it, why would I want to constantly try to convince someone I am something to be had? Does a pretty diamond ring or a nice red sports car have do that? After thinking it over, I felt there was no sense in trying to work around a woman's mental problems and decided just to be myself. If a woman prefers bad boys, that's not MY problem. I would rather not have them. Is this negative? Well maybe, but at the same time it's positive. I want to give my heart to the right person. Someone who not only treats me right, but everone.

Now, back to rejection. If I ask you for a dance OR a date I don't EXPECT you to say YES. You're not obligated to say yes to me. I want you to say NO if you don't like me or if you don't wish to dance. I wouldn't be asking you, if I didn't expect a yes or no answer. I don't even mind a maybe. The only thing I wish to stress is that I think when a person rejects, they should be polite about it. It's not the rejection that bugs me, it's the treatment! Is this negative? Well, not exactly. Let me explain. I want to make a positive change by pointing out the negatives. So if you look at it that way, I'm showing the dark contrast of life, so I can bring about the brighter light. In other words, I believe my message is a good and positive one.

These days I don't fear rejection nearly as much as I did when I was a young man. It's mainly because I am comfortable with who I am now. It might also be because I know not all women make the best of choices and for them to reject me, it's not a sure sign that I'm a reject just because she perceives me to be one. Also many poeple in my life I'm not sure I even want. I guess you can say I have my fair share of rejecting as well. People wonder why I like being passive aggressive. They believe that maybe all my bad experiences have caused me to become withdrawn. That might be a little true but for the MOST part that's not it at all. You see, all a man's life he spends looking outward. Trying to get a woman to see him. Trying to get a woman to like him. Trying to be accepted. We do all these things being the aggressor. After a while we realize that we can pretty much obtain any woman we want if we put our mind to it and TRY. The problem is that we never have anyone TRY to get us. We are always the ones that are active. It has the same numbing feelings that you might get when every phone conversation you have with a good friend requires YOU to make the call. Isn't it nice to RECEIVE a call too? Wouldn't you PREFER a friend who notices you never call, over one who really could care less? Making the first move actually starts getting old after a while. There are lots of women to look at. That's a dime a dozen. It's rare to find one that will actually look at YOU. Someone who will walk up and give ME a hug without me expecting one. Someone that will outwardly show you she cares. That's my goal now. That is my holy grail. I might live my whole life being Ponce De Leon, but I don't care. We like to feel wanted TOO. We like to be won over. We like to be shown we're attractive. A one way street is like a one way conversation. It's fun to talk and talk and talk but eventually we want to hear a response. I've come to the point in my life, where I've had everything but that one thing. I want a girl who looks outward at the world as well as inward. I want her to be giving and caring as much as she takes. Is this considered a bad thing? Well, maybe it is and maybe it isn't. Either way, that's what I want. To some I might come off as bitter. I think everyone in life has some degree of dirty laundry, it's really difficult not to, but in generally I'm not bitter at all. You just have to listen very carefully to understand where I'm coming from.